The only thing that is really new in my life right now is that we are trying to buy a house. Very exciting! We have wanted this for a very long time, a house that will be all ours. We can paint the walls, plant things in the yard, all without fear of the real homeowner getting upset and making us remove our personality from the place that we thought was our home.
So far the process hasn't been that bad and we have been very excited for the fun part - picking a home. Today is Sunday, so there was a few open houses and we thought we would take a look. After we got done looking all day, I now know why all these people want to move - because they live in crappy houses. Well I guess the houses themselves had the potential to be nice but then the people who moved into them did horribly ugly things and crapped them up and then all I can imagine is, it got so overwhelming that they decided to move. Every house I looked at had really gross carpet. Big huge stains all over. What the heck went on in all these houses? Then I started thinking about all the gross things that have happened in my house. We have had several throw up incidences, peeing accidents, pooping(FYI, from Logan), boogers on the walls and we have flooded the bathroom several times. Now I feel overwhelmed and if we owned our house, I think I would want to sell it. I didn't feel the need before to move into a brand new house, but I am seriously reconsidering.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dear Diary
Today has been pretty uneventful. I haven't been able to leave my house because I have a swollen eye and a huge hole where my mole was removed. I am not feeling pretty. I look a little inbreed today. So I am drinking lots of green tea. It's supposed to help heal skin and clear up infections sooner so I'm really hoping that's true.
Today has only been filled with my own thoughts. I was at Quizznos with Andy the other day and something happened that I can't stop thinking about. While we were eating, 4 Waste Management guys came in and got in line together. They were all talking and laughing like they had a real bond between them. They preceded to get their food and then all sit at different tables with no words spoke at all between them! I don't understand what happened? Why not sit together? Why were they talking in line but not while they ate? It bothered me greatly. It was weird.
The next thing that I have been thinking about is the fact that the Quizznos thing, is the only thing that I have to think about. This either means that I have a pretty pathetic life or that I have an amazing stress free life. After lots of thought on the issue, I have concluded that I have a very pathetic amazing stress free life.
Today has only been filled with my own thoughts. I was at Quizznos with Andy the other day and something happened that I can't stop thinking about. While we were eating, 4 Waste Management guys came in and got in line together. They were all talking and laughing like they had a real bond between them. They preceded to get their food and then all sit at different tables with no words spoke at all between them! I don't understand what happened? Why not sit together? Why were they talking in line but not while they ate? It bothered me greatly. It was weird.
The next thing that I have been thinking about is the fact that the Quizznos thing, is the only thing that I have to think about. This either means that I have a pretty pathetic life or that I have an amazing stress free life. After lots of thought on the issue, I have concluded that I have a very pathetic amazing stress free life.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Mole
When I look in the mirror each morning, I generally don't have many bad thoughts. I'm not a model, that's for sure, but I don't think I'm hard on the eyes either. I put in the minimal effort needed to prevent weird looks from my family and friends, like plucking and waxing where needed, and a little light makeup to brighten things up. I know that I am only 27 years old, so I'm sure I might think differently when I'm 47, but I've never even thought about things like plastic surgery or changing anything on my body. I am over all, pretty content with the way that I look.
This all changed one day. I was sitting on my couch with my 3 year old daughter, Anna, playing with her hair, telling her how beautiful she was, and she was in return, playing with my hair and telling me how beautiful I was. She then took a real long look at my face, placed her tiny finger under my nose, touched a mole that has been there before time and asked, "What is that?" I explained that it was mole and some people have them and some do not. She then told me it was icky. I laughed and thought nothing more of it. It had never bothered me befor and I barely even noticed it was there.
Then one day, while in the car with my friend, we were talking about our makeup and I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. All I could see was this huge mole. How could I have not noticed this?? It seemed so big. I couldn't stop looking at it. I wondered how I had gone all these years with a mole this large on my face. Had anyone really ever looked me in the eye, or were they all just staring at my mole?? My friend then asked, "Why don't you just have it removed? I guess I could, I thought. I became obsessed. I couldn't do anything until I did something about it. I called my mom, who had a great dermatologist and has had many moles herself removed. She explained that it was very simple and they do it right there and it only takes a few minutes. I made an appointment that day.
I was so excited the day of my appointment. I was going to be mole free! I'm really not a vain person. I don't even like to style my hair, I just couldn't stand this mole anymore. It almost seemed to be mocking me and I'll be honest, it frightened me a little.
When the doctor came in, he said, "Yep, it's a mole. We can take it right off, no big deal, but it will have to be at another appointment". I left very disappointed. I would have to spend another month with my mole.
Finally the day came and I was excited again. I got in the room and the nurse came in. He asked if I was feeling OK about everything which I found odd and made me a little nervous. I told him I felt fine and was even a little excited. He then went on to tell me that they would have to numb my face and that it was going to hurt a lot. "I mean a lot, it's really painful, do you still want to do this?", he asked. I then became very nervous and replied, "um, yes".
The doctor then came in and and taped my eyes shut with wet gauze and gave me the most painful shot I've ever had in my life. He then began do dig out my face (or at least that is what it felt like) and preformed what I can only describe as minor surgery. 40 minutes later, they sat me up and gave me a mirror. I was swollen, stitched, and bleeding. I looked like a beaten hooker. A horrible feeling of regret swam through my body. I wondered if I had made a horrible mistake?? He then explained that I would have stitches in my face for a week and that the scar would be bright red for a few weeks. I was beginning to miss my mole.
The next day was a little better, the swelling had gone down and I could feel my face again. I had to go out into public with the stitches, but I was starting to not even notice they were there anymore. I was with my friend again and I kept asking what way I needed to go to get to places that I regularly visited. She asked me if I had lost my sense of direction when I lost my mole. We then began to laugh about the thought of my mole having powers that helped me. Had my mole really been a friend all along? I will always have a little scar to remind me of my mole and every time I get lost, I will think of him.
This all changed one day. I was sitting on my couch with my 3 year old daughter, Anna, playing with her hair, telling her how beautiful she was, and she was in return, playing with my hair and telling me how beautiful I was. She then took a real long look at my face, placed her tiny finger under my nose, touched a mole that has been there before time and asked, "What is that?" I explained that it was mole and some people have them and some do not. She then told me it was icky. I laughed and thought nothing more of it. It had never bothered me befor and I barely even noticed it was there.
Then one day, while in the car with my friend, we were talking about our makeup and I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. All I could see was this huge mole. How could I have not noticed this?? It seemed so big. I couldn't stop looking at it. I wondered how I had gone all these years with a mole this large on my face. Had anyone really ever looked me in the eye, or were they all just staring at my mole?? My friend then asked, "Why don't you just have it removed? I guess I could, I thought. I became obsessed. I couldn't do anything until I did something about it. I called my mom, who had a great dermatologist and has had many moles herself removed. She explained that it was very simple and they do it right there and it only takes a few minutes. I made an appointment that day.
I was so excited the day of my appointment. I was going to be mole free! I'm really not a vain person. I don't even like to style my hair, I just couldn't stand this mole anymore. It almost seemed to be mocking me and I'll be honest, it frightened me a little.
When the doctor came in, he said, "Yep, it's a mole. We can take it right off, no big deal, but it will have to be at another appointment". I left very disappointed. I would have to spend another month with my mole.
Finally the day came and I was excited again. I got in the room and the nurse came in. He asked if I was feeling OK about everything which I found odd and made me a little nervous. I told him I felt fine and was even a little excited. He then went on to tell me that they would have to numb my face and that it was going to hurt a lot. "I mean a lot, it's really painful, do you still want to do this?", he asked. I then became very nervous and replied, "um, yes".
The doctor then came in and and taped my eyes shut with wet gauze and gave me the most painful shot I've ever had in my life. He then began do dig out my face (or at least that is what it felt like) and preformed what I can only describe as minor surgery. 40 minutes later, they sat me up and gave me a mirror. I was swollen, stitched, and bleeding. I looked like a beaten hooker. A horrible feeling of regret swam through my body. I wondered if I had made a horrible mistake?? He then explained that I would have stitches in my face for a week and that the scar would be bright red for a few weeks. I was beginning to miss my mole.
The next day was a little better, the swelling had gone down and I could feel my face again. I had to go out into public with the stitches, but I was starting to not even notice they were there anymore. I was with my friend again and I kept asking what way I needed to go to get to places that I regularly visited. She asked me if I had lost my sense of direction when I lost my mole. We then began to laugh about the thought of my mole having powers that helped me. Had my mole really been a friend all along? I will always have a little scar to remind me of my mole and every time I get lost, I will think of him.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Ode To A Phat Girl
A long time ago when I was a child,
I was not fat, but thin and mild.
As time went on and I discovered new foods
things started to change like my size and my moods.
Bar-b-q chips are delicious with a crunch!
Why can't they be part of a healthy lunch?
I want pasta with cheese,
not the low fat kind please!
Give me cookies and pie,
and chicken to fry!
How I love the taste of decedent sweets
and the smokey flavor of barbecued treats.
Hamburgers, hot dogs, and ribs are a must
Is it love of these foods, or maybe just lust?
Then one day I heard a faint little yell,
it was the thin girl inside me, she had something to tell
I used to be beautiful, slender, and lean.
I don't like to brag, but I think I'm quite keen.
Please give me some fruit and some veggies too,
then go for a walk, or maybe a few.
I want to come out and show the World me
I want to come out and I want to be free!
I wanted to hide her and give her some food
then something came over me and changed my mood
The thin girl inside of me isn't so lame
The thin girl and me, we are one and the same!
So working together, the thin girl and I
we sweat off our ass and tell it goodbye!
I was not fat, but thin and mild.
As time went on and I discovered new foods
things started to change like my size and my moods.
Bar-b-q chips are delicious with a crunch!
Why can't they be part of a healthy lunch?
I want pasta with cheese,
not the low fat kind please!
Give me cookies and pie,
and chicken to fry!
How I love the taste of decedent sweets
and the smokey flavor of barbecued treats.
Hamburgers, hot dogs, and ribs are a must
Is it love of these foods, or maybe just lust?
Then one day I heard a faint little yell,
it was the thin girl inside me, she had something to tell
I used to be beautiful, slender, and lean.
I don't like to brag, but I think I'm quite keen.
Please give me some fruit and some veggies too,
then go for a walk, or maybe a few.
I want to come out and show the World me
I want to come out and I want to be free!
I wanted to hide her and give her some food
then something came over me and changed my mood
The thin girl inside of me isn't so lame
The thin girl and me, we are one and the same!
So working together, the thin girl and I
we sweat off our ass and tell it goodbye!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Spinning Class
This is dedicated to anyone who has finished a spinning class. What you are about to read are actual thoughts from my very first class -
Wow, I can't believe I'm here. Spinning class. This is going to be really good. Yes, I like this, I'm going to do this 4 times a week.
That must be the instructor. He looks nice. Oh, OK here we go. Ooh the Black Eyed Peas. This is awesome.
One minute later..
O crap this is getting hard. My legs hurt. Wow, I have to do this for 1 hour??? OK, pace yourself Kim. You can do this, let the music push you. Don't look at the clock. Keep your head down and think about how thin you are going to be. No, don't look at it yet, it hasn't been long enough. Its only 1 hour. That's not that long. You are going to look freaking amazing. Wow, this is really hard, I'm not feeling so good. Nobody else looks tired at all. Look at all of them. No one is sweating. Ewww, except for that guy, wow, that is a lot of sweat. It's actually dripping down him into a puddle on the floor. Is he OK? This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I had no idea someone could sweat that much. OK, at least I don't have to feel as bad about my sweat. It's actually collecting in my bra. In one more minute, I'm going to look at the clock. Class has to be at least half way done. That's going to feel good. That will be good motivation to know that you are half way done.
10 MINUTES???!!!!!!!! You've got to be freaking kidding me??!!!! SON OF A BITCH!! What am I going to do? I can't finish this. There is no way I'm going to be able to do this. Should I leave? Do I really want to get up and walk out in front of all these people? No, you can do this, keep going you fat cow! It's hard because your fat!!
No?!! He seriously wants us to stand up now?!! Oh, OK it actually feels better. Wow, my ass hurts so freaking bad. It feels good to stand. I just want to keep standing.
OK, I was wrong, when the hell are we going to sit down? I can't go on. What is wrong with this guy??? Why are we standing so long? Did he forget to tell us to sit down? I want to scream. Seriously, what is wrong with him? How is everyone else doing this? I don't understand.
Oh thank God. Sweet relief. Finally sitting. Oh great, look at this bitch in the front row - still standing. Is she trying to make us look bad? Nobody cares lady.
Sweaty guy looks really bad. He is grunting really loud. This is embarrassing. He sounds like he's having sex. I wonder if he sweats that much during sex?? Gross.
Look at all these people enjoying this class. What is happening? Where are we going? This is so weird. Why do we need an instructor for this? It's a stationary bike! I want to throw my bike at him. I hate him. I actually hate him. He has to be insane. All these people are. They are all crazy. Look them working so hard to go nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't feel my ass anymore. I'm scared. Is this normal? What if I fall off my bike? What if I pass out? O God, please don't let me pass out.
I wonder if I look as bad as sweaty guy? OK, I'm going to casually turn around and look at myself in the mirror. OH CRAP!!!! MY ASS IS HUGE!!!!!! O your freaking gonna finish this class now Kim. How did my ass get this big??? I can't believe I walk around looking like this!!!!
Cool down time?! Class is almost over?!!!!! Thank you Jesus. OH THANK YOU SO MUCH JESUS!!! I didn't pass out. I can't believe it's almost over. I did it. I actually freaking did it!!!! Stop smiling, you look like an idiot. I am amazing. Wow! I feel awesome. I think I could do just about anything now. Oh yes, this was good. This is just what you needed Kimberly Rohr. OK slow down there, it was only 1 spinning class. But it was as hard as child birth. You go ahead girl, be proud of yourself. You did accomplish something big!
Wow, I can't believe I'm here. Spinning class. This is going to be really good. Yes, I like this, I'm going to do this 4 times a week.
That must be the instructor. He looks nice. Oh, OK here we go. Ooh the Black Eyed Peas. This is awesome.
One minute later..
O crap this is getting hard. My legs hurt. Wow, I have to do this for 1 hour??? OK, pace yourself Kim. You can do this, let the music push you. Don't look at the clock. Keep your head down and think about how thin you are going to be. No, don't look at it yet, it hasn't been long enough. Its only 1 hour. That's not that long. You are going to look freaking amazing. Wow, this is really hard, I'm not feeling so good. Nobody else looks tired at all. Look at all of them. No one is sweating. Ewww, except for that guy, wow, that is a lot of sweat. It's actually dripping down him into a puddle on the floor. Is he OK? This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I had no idea someone could sweat that much. OK, at least I don't have to feel as bad about my sweat. It's actually collecting in my bra. In one more minute, I'm going to look at the clock. Class has to be at least half way done. That's going to feel good. That will be good motivation to know that you are half way done.
10 MINUTES???!!!!!!!! You've got to be freaking kidding me??!!!! SON OF A BITCH!! What am I going to do? I can't finish this. There is no way I'm going to be able to do this. Should I leave? Do I really want to get up and walk out in front of all these people? No, you can do this, keep going you fat cow! It's hard because your fat!!
No?!! He seriously wants us to stand up now?!! Oh, OK it actually feels better. Wow, my ass hurts so freaking bad. It feels good to stand. I just want to keep standing.
OK, I was wrong, when the hell are we going to sit down? I can't go on. What is wrong with this guy??? Why are we standing so long? Did he forget to tell us to sit down? I want to scream. Seriously, what is wrong with him? How is everyone else doing this? I don't understand.
Oh thank God. Sweet relief. Finally sitting. Oh great, look at this bitch in the front row - still standing. Is she trying to make us look bad? Nobody cares lady.
Sweaty guy looks really bad. He is grunting really loud. This is embarrassing. He sounds like he's having sex. I wonder if he sweats that much during sex?? Gross.
Look at all these people enjoying this class. What is happening? Where are we going? This is so weird. Why do we need an instructor for this? It's a stationary bike! I want to throw my bike at him. I hate him. I actually hate him. He has to be insane. All these people are. They are all crazy. Look them working so hard to go nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't feel my ass anymore. I'm scared. Is this normal? What if I fall off my bike? What if I pass out? O God, please don't let me pass out.
I wonder if I look as bad as sweaty guy? OK, I'm going to casually turn around and look at myself in the mirror. OH CRAP!!!! MY ASS IS HUGE!!!!!! O your freaking gonna finish this class now Kim. How did my ass get this big??? I can't believe I walk around looking like this!!!!
Cool down time?! Class is almost over?!!!!! Thank you Jesus. OH THANK YOU SO MUCH JESUS!!! I didn't pass out. I can't believe it's almost over. I did it. I actually freaking did it!!!! Stop smiling, you look like an idiot. I am amazing. Wow! I feel awesome. I think I could do just about anything now. Oh yes, this was good. This is just what you needed Kimberly Rohr. OK slow down there, it was only 1 spinning class. But it was as hard as child birth. You go ahead girl, be proud of yourself. You did accomplish something big!
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