Spinning Class

This is dedicated to anyone who has finished a spinning class. What you are about to read are actual thoughts from my very first class -

Wow, I can't believe I'm here. Spinning class. This is going to be really good. Yes, I like this, I'm going to do this 4 times a week.
That must be the instructor. He looks nice. Oh, OK here we go. Ooh the Black Eyed Peas. This is awesome.
One minute later..
O crap this is getting hard. My legs hurt. Wow, I have to do this for 1 hour??? OK, pace yourself Kim. You can do this, let the music push you. Don't look at the clock. Keep your head down and think about how thin you are going to be. No, don't look at it yet, it hasn't been long enough. Its only 1 hour. That's not that long. You are going to look freaking amazing. Wow, this is really hard, I'm not feeling so good. Nobody else looks tired at all. Look at all of them. No one is sweating. Ewww, except for that guy, wow, that is a lot of sweat. It's actually dripping down him into a puddle on the floor. Is he OK? This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I had no idea someone could sweat that much. OK, at least I don't have to feel as bad about my sweat. It's actually collecting in my bra. In one more minute, I'm going to look at the clock. Class has to be at least half way done. That's going to feel good. That will be good motivation to know that you are half way done.
10 MINUTES???!!!!!!!! You've got to be freaking kidding me??!!!! SON OF A BITCH!! What am I going to do? I can't finish this. There is no way I'm going to be able to do this. Should I leave? Do I really want to get up and walk out in front of all these people? No, you can do this, keep going you fat cow! It's hard because your fat!!
No?!! He seriously wants us to stand up now?!! Oh, OK it actually feels better. Wow, my ass hurts so freaking bad. It feels good to stand. I just want to keep standing.
OK, I was wrong, when the hell are we going to sit down? I can't go on. What is wrong with this guy??? Why are we standing so long? Did he forget to tell us to sit down? I want to scream. Seriously, what is wrong with him? How is everyone else doing this? I don't understand.
Oh thank God. Sweet relief. Finally sitting. Oh great, look at this bitch in the front row - still standing. Is she trying to make us look bad? Nobody cares lady.
Sweaty guy looks really bad. He is grunting really loud. This is embarrassing. He sounds like he's having sex. I wonder if he sweats that much during sex?? Gross.
Look at all these people enjoying this class. What is happening? Where are we going? This is so weird. Why do we need an instructor for this? It's a stationary bike! I want to throw my bike at him. I hate him. I actually hate him. He has to be insane. All these people are. They are all crazy. Look them working so hard to go nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't feel my ass anymore. I'm scared. Is this normal? What if I fall off my bike? What if I pass out? O God, please don't let me pass out.
I wonder if I look as bad as sweaty guy? OK, I'm going to casually turn around and look at myself in the mirror. OH CRAP!!!! MY ASS IS HUGE!!!!!! O your freaking gonna finish this class now Kim. How did my ass get this big??? I can't believe I walk around looking like this!!!!
Cool down time?! Class is almost over?!!!!! Thank you Jesus. OH THANK YOU SO MUCH JESUS!!! I didn't pass out. I can't believe it's almost over. I did it. I actually freaking did it!!!! Stop smiling, you look like an idiot. I am amazing. Wow! I feel awesome. I think I could do just about anything now. Oh yes, this was good. This is just what you needed Kimberly Rohr. OK slow down there, it was only 1 spinning class. But it was as hard as child birth. You go ahead girl, be proud of yourself. You did accomplish something big!